We often overlook one very important aspect of communication.

I would even argue it’s the most important aspect.

Before I tell you what that is, let me first share with you with a lesson I learned this week. Trust me, it’ll all make sense.

A few days ago, I was lamenting how I usually have this incredible zest when starting out at a new job or learning something new. I’m always gripped by this unexplainable obsession to do something well or get something right.

Recently though, I’ve experienced certain instances where I found it difficult to motivate myself.

After too many conversations and too much time spent on reflections, I realised something I should’ve already known.

You can’t outsource zest.

External motivation does work. But up to a certain point, self motivating is required.

And I realise not only have I been pushing myself to perform, the way I’ve been doing it wasn’t the kindest either.

I believe there’s a way where we can still hustle with kindness. That we can get ourselves to do things, but at the same time, still speak kindly to ourselves.

I don’t purport to have the ultimate answer, but this has been what I’m trying out this week.

It’s okay to do things slowly and deliberately.

So this is what I tell myself whenever I start procrastinating on something.

I can do it slowly. I can take my time to do it. I can move as slow as I want to and take as many breaks as I want to. As long as I’m doing whatever it is I told myself I would do.

Here’s a simple example, so you get a clearer picture.

If you’ve set aside time for a run, but find yourself dragging your feet when that time comes. Then drag your feet, literally. Walk if you don’t feel like running, stroll if you must. As long as you’re out of the house.

More often than not, you’ll find yourself starting to run anyway. Even if you don’t run the whole way, you’ll feel good about doing the thing you told yourself you would.

Now, it’s time to get back to the aspect of communication we often overlook.

Let me introduce you to the different stages of communication in our life.

Humans gotta communicate.

First, we need to define what we mean by “stage” here.

For the purpose of this concept, a stage is a platform on which communication takes place. It can be in public, in private, or in our minds. Don’t limit yourself to thinking only about a physical elevated platform.

If I were to ask you to imagine yourself on a stage, chances are, you’ll imagine yourself on a huge platform, in front of an audience, maybe with a mic in hand.

But we rarely stop to think about the other “stages” in our life where communication takes place. At the dinner table surrounded by family. In the office with other coworkers. Or in our minds where the conversations with ourselves take place.

The truth is, communication happens all around us. It happens everywhere and even in our minds. That’s how we function, that’s how we live.

Whether it’s communicating information from person to person, or communicating intentions via words or gestures, of communicating encouragement by hyping ourselves up.

We communicate.

In general, communication occurs at 3 main stages: On platforms with an audience - presentation, interview, speech With others in everyday conversations With yourself

Let’s explore these stages one by one.

The First Stage: On platforms with an audience

This would be the most common understanding of a stage. A raised platform, possibly a mic, and hopefully an audience.

You already know this. I won’t belabour the point.

Let’s move on.

The Second Stage: With others in everyday conversations

Let’s bring that raised platform to ground level, shall we?

The second stage is where we have our day to day conversations. It ranges from work meetings all the way to bedtime rants. Any conversation you have that involve other people, that’s your second stage.

The Third Stage: With yourself

This is where we go deep. Stay with me now.

When we talk about communication, it’s always interpreted as an outbound thing. Communicate with your team. Talk to your friends. Call your mom.

But what about the internal conversation we have with ourselves?

This is what we overlook all the time.

The most important form of communication. Ever.

The one we have with ourselves.

You see, how we communicate with ourselves matter. How we talk to ourselves affects our motivation, mood, and mental state. And all that in turn affects our thoughts and subsequent behaviours.

You want to have a better life?

It all starts with you and how you talk to yourself.

And that brings me back to my lesson in the beginning of our newsletter today.

Speaking kindly to yourself.

It’s worth noting that being kind to yourself does not mean letting yourself off the hook though. It doesn’t mean forgiving yourself easily even if you didn’t fulfill your promises to yourself. Your standards for yourself must be kept.

Being kind to yourself means understanding when you're pushing yourself too far.

And how you be kind to yourself is to speak kindly to yourself. In the tone and words you choose to use in your monologues and internal thought.

Tip of the week

Try this out this week.

Everytime you feel like you’re procrastinating or not doing good enough, stop and ask yourself this.

Am I doing the best I can in this current moment?

And if the answer is yes, pat yourself on the back, and move on.

Here’s to doing good work the best we can, and being kind to ourselves in the process.

See you next week!

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Mich